September 1, 2024

Do You Believe in Fate?

By: Camey VanSant

November – December 2023

Sunset at Alishan National Forest Recreation Area

“Do I believe in fate?” I feel like I asked myself this question often toward the end of 2023. November and December, like the previous two months, were super busy and packed with new experiences. The difference is that, while there were still moments of adjustment and a fair number of challenges, I felt comfortable and at home. And there were so many moments throughout these two months that touched me so deeply, conversations that made me feel seen despite being in a place and culture that’s so different from what I’m accustomed to, and coincidences that happened so often that I began to question if they meant something more.

While only living in Taiwan for over two months up to this point, I felt I had a good command of Kaohsiung and the public transportation system, I got a lot closer with my program cohort, formed a closer bond with my classmates (of whom are from all over the globe—including Vietnam, Japan, Germany, Pakistan, etc.), developed an even deeper relationship with my host family, and felt well-adjusted to my academic schedule.

I remember spending evenings with my host family after dinner, doing my homework on the dining room table and chatting about every topic under the sun until it was my host sister’s bedtime. Or, eating 宵夜 xiāoyè, a midnight snack, which was usually 辣鷄排 spicy fried chicken cutlets and 甜不辣 tempura, all while chatting and watching Netflix. And then there was that feeling when I learned that my host mom and I share the same birthday, to which both her and I laughed and said, “Fate!”

I also remember the feeling of watching the moon and stars near Sun Moon Lake, while on a central mountain range excursion with my cohort. While I can’t perfectly remember what we talked about, I remember lying on the cold ground and looking at the full moon, listening to each other’s breathing, and feeling my heart grow full of appreciation for the people around me.

In early December, I remember taking my final Chinese exam for that semester and doing super well. Yet, I felt disappointed, comparing myself to peers who were placed into higher level classes, and achieving a level of “skill” I felt was far superior to my own. I attempted to test into a higher class by taking a “skip test,” but after much effort, I missed the passing mark by 10 percentage points. My resident director tried to reassure me, but I still felt weighed down by feelings of inadequacy in my abilities. But when my host family recognized my efforts and hard work, I felt like I was right where I needed to be. After all, it wasn’t a race, and I came to realize that everyone’s path on their language learning—and life—journeys are their own, neither linear nor exponential, but simple theirs.

All these small anecdotes of my experiences and emotions during these two months led me to one thing: I thought, was I fated to meet these people and have these experiences? My host family often said that we were fated to meet, because how else could my life and theirs mold together so well? I’m not sure if I believe in fate, but if fate was a feeling, all these memories would certainly be it.

This blog likely feels disjointed and disorganized with a collection of memories and emotions, and it’s certainly hard to express those emotions, but for clarity and a sense of timelines, of the (far too many) photos I’ve taken in November and December, I’ve put together some (a lot…) that account for many of the experiences I’ve had in Taiwan during this time.