My dance season ended on April 29th and since then I have taken maybe three ballet classes. This was a drastic shift from my schedule the last 8 months where I spent on average 6 hours in the studio a day. As my program ended and I moved back to Colorado I have had a lot of time to reflect on the year so far and all of the things I’ve learned. When I first entered the year I was very focused on my growth but only in the context of dance. I think I really underestimated how much the experience would teach me about myself and how many new perspectives I would have about dance but also life in general.
The last month of my program was very busy. I had a total of 4 performances in April alone. I had a student choreography showcase where I was able to perform pieces that my peers choreographed. Student choreography is always challenging because it is sometimes hard because your peer is now your choreographer but this year I really enjoyed being a part of my fellow artists’ creative process. The second show I performed was a variation showing where we had the opportunity to choose a variation to perform and I chose Balanchine’s Tchaikovsky Pas de Deux variation. I really enjoyed this show because I really enjoy dancing that variation and it brought me a lot of joy. My 3rd performance in April was our final end of the year showing where we performed original pieces choreographed by various faculty members as well as Fairy Doll. To put it nicely, Fairy Doll is not a particularly inspiring ballet. This was definitely a challenge that made me less motivated about my dancing. Additionally I ended up having to step in for one of my peers who fractured her sacrum before the show. The final show I performed was Jungle Book with the company. I really enjoyed this performance because it was really fun and I didn’t feel this huge pressure of expectations, I felt like I could just have fun on stage.
The differences between all 4 of these performances are a great display of what my year and relationship with dance looks like. There are times where it’s really rewarding and super fun but there are also times where I feel wildly unmotivated about it. But since I have taken a break the past couple weeks I have been able to reflect on my feelings about dance. I have found that even though I have had challenges I still really do enjoy it and it is still fulfilling.